Thursday, October 29, 2009
True Confession Time ...
I am not ashamed to admit that this week I have been stumbling and bumbling through being my truest self. May I share my process with you?
Here's why. My youngest daughter is away at college, five hours from where I live. This past week her off-campus living arrangement imploded. I knew it was time to find her "safe haven," a new place to live as her stress and anxiety levels were off the charts—has been for weeks, including sleeplessness and dips into depression, which does not bode well for study at a Big 10, academically rigorous school, nor good mental health.
As I navigated the dynamics of this move (long distance), including dealing with roommates and parents, legal issues, finding new housing as quickly as I could, not to mention my daughter's descent into despair, I was given multiple opportunities to practice what I preach. All my spiritual muscles were tested with this one. Each of the Transformational Truths was called upon. At times, I did well. Other times, I failed miserably. Here's the rundown.
~I "Honored My Body's Wisdom" by listening deeply and trusting what I heard: 'Get her out now! And do whatever it takes to help her feel safe and secure again. Forget what it costs. Move!'
~ I "Chose Thoughts and Feelings That Honored My Sacred Self" by discerning not to vent out my anger on roommates or parents, as much as part of me wanted to. I kept asking myself, 'Will what I say cause harm or help in this moment?' This is one of my tried and true practices, and if I take the time to breathe through it, I can usually come up with the kindest response.
~ I "Engaged in Practices That Nurtured My Spirit." I had to or I would have gone insane. Breath, stillness, praying with my beads, hot baths, reading Turning the Mind into an Ally by Sakyong Mipham, walking through my garden, and allowing my husband to put in his 2 cents worth because he is a pretty wise guy. (Not to mention cuddling a lot, or was it hanging on to him for dear life in the dark of night?) And I baked apple crisp. :-)
~ I "Cultivated Compassion for Myself" by forgiving myself when I fell into despair, tears, frustration, impatience (even with my daughter), and anger. Congratulating myself that I didn't hurt anyone, or that I didn't harm myself (I don't think...). I treated myself as gently as I could, considering the circumstances.
But today I am tired. Worn out. The crisis has eased and my daughter has a nice place to live. Or at least she will shortly.
So today I am continuing to honor myself with a gentle day, a jammie day. Going slowly, doing just a bit of blogging. A nap will be in order later and another bath. I am blessed because I work at home and can do this for myself. So many women can't and we just keep pushing through the tough times. Then we fall apart or get sick ... That was my pattern for many years.
Which brings me to Truth # 6: I Experience the Divine in Everything and Everyone. I'm in the midst of this one. It's having some rough spots ...
I am going to wait for the blessings to come from this experience because I trust that this whole mess was in Divine Order. I am continuing to open my heart again to the roommates and parents because I know that they are people just like me who simply want to be happy. I have set the intention to see the Holy in them, just as it is in all of us.
I am listening and growing; breathing and being. My life is a work in progress and all will be well—all IS well.
Thank you for receiving and bearing witness to this transmission from my heart. It feels quite healing to have done so. What a lovely community we have gathered here! I am blessed — we all are.
As always, I welcome your thoughts ...
(Image courtesy of http://www.nohairlossnow.com)